Why do emotions deter some men
Choosing a partner: why women run away from nice men
Nice men, and of course nice women too, often encounter a recurring problem in love affairs: They feel like they are doing everything right, and yet it does not work out with a relationship. They come on time, give gifts, are binding and attentive.
And yet the beloved goes away with the guy next door who never calls back, and the great man with the self-centered diva who is always late. What seems incomprehensible at first glance can be explained quite well with a few psychological principles.
Investing leads to loyalty - with those who give
Too nice people invest a lot in the relationship early on - time, money and attention. It is known from many studies that investing has one psychological effect above all: It leads to a higher rating of the thing or the person in whom the investment is made.
And the more you have invested, the more so. The one who does more for a relationship, who gives more and pays more, also falls in love and bonds more strongly. For the other, however, this does not apply - many favors and gifts tend to be a nuisance.
Constant availability makes it unattractive
It is also dangerous to be constantly and unconditionally available. The unconscious assumption that things or people that are hard to come by are particularly valuable is ingrained in people.
So it's true: if you make yourself scarce, you at least create the illusion that your time and presence is precious - and that it is not distributed to everyone. Not calling back or canceling a meeting is transparent and annoying, but it still works.
And it has another effect: it forces the other person to think about the reasons for it. And if someone is buzzing around in your head, doesn't that mean something, doesn't it?
On the other hand, those who are in love and too nice often leave everything behind for the object of desire. You don't have to do anything for your time and attention. And in the worst case, that doesn't seem attractive, but simply needy.
Nice people reward disrespect
And finally, nice people are - just too nice. They often reward unintentionally disrespectful behavior on the part of the partner and thereby reinforce it. They forgive too quickly and too often, are too patient and benevolent, and do not set clear boundaries.
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