Why don't we love anyone anymore
That feeling that nobody really loves you
Last update: 15th March, 2018
We all need to feel loved. It's almost as important as eating or sleeping: a real basic need. When you feel that no one really loves you and no one genuinely cares about you, it is as if you have been deprived of the nourishment you need to live. While physical survival depends on food and sleep, emotional survival depends on the affection of our fellow human beings.
The feeling that nobody really loves you can have different causes. Basically, everyone can feel that way. And nobody loves someone in a perfect way. Even the deepest and most sincere love, like a mother's love, is imperfect. The Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran knew this and wrote:
"And you would accept the seasons of your heart as you have always accepted the seasons that roam your fields."
If you idealize love too much, you might conclude that no one really loves you. Maybe because others are unwilling to dedicate their lives to you. Or because they let you down and weren't there for you when you needed them.
Those who love out of emotional withdrawal demand more love than they can get from others. And because their expectations are so high and will not be met, they feel a never-ending sense of disappointment. Therefore, there may be times when you feel like nobody really loves you. This may be because you simply cannot form genuine, affectionate bonds with others. Maybe you have hidden under your own skin and isolated yourself. You may not know how to build and maintain a loving relationship. Then you feel trapped in a loneliness that hurts.
Nobody really loves you You neither?
Often times, when you feel that nobody loves you, you count yourself in “nobody”. It's relatively easy to see that people who think this way lack self-esteem. Likewise, it's easy to say: "Well, now it's all about loving myself more." And so build self-esteem. But the difficult thing is to put this idea into practice.
It's not that you don't want to love yourself. You just can't find a way to do it. If you don't value yourself, it's no coincidence. There is often a history of hostility behind this. Sometimes also one of abandonment or violent aggression.
One of the most likely reasons for a lack of self-love is that We were given misconceptions in childhood by our parents about why we shouldn't ask for or need affection. We may have learned not to love ourselves in order to please a father, mother, or other loved one. This person expected this from us because they were misguided. One way or another, we've been given the idea that we're not worth it. That we weren't worthy of love And we believed it. Because those who made us think so were certainly people we loved, who we even admired. We may have started life without being loved and had a "why?" On our foreheads. But this question remained unanswered.
Do we help others to love us?
Sometimes we live in a state of emotional withdrawal. That is, we don't get enough affection. We might even conclude that we don't want to live like this anymore. However, it is not easy to get out of this state again. At this point it is worth asking, are we helping others to love us?
While the feeling that nobody really loves us is very profound, the outcome might not be far off. Sometimes it's just about forgiving those who didn't love us because of their own emotional limits. And about admitting that their hostility had more to do with themselves than with us. But it also makes sense to forgive ourselves because we haven't actually done anything to deserve such indifference. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you and that all the guilt you have are unfounded.
The way out ...
It's important to ask ourselves if we know how to love others. Sometimes we act like we desperately need affection. This is actually an admission that we don't love ourselves and that we need that other person, to feel valuable And that can chase others away or push them away, because nobody wants to take on such a responsibility.
Likewise, we may not have developed enough social skills. We can always learn to relate to others in a more fluid and spontaneous way. This is something we can learn, apply, and practice. It works. And it's the first step in breaking the cordon that separates us from others. After the floodgates are opened, we may learn to move forward in the extraordinary adventure of mutual affection.You might be interested in ...
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