Would a relationship between two INTPs work

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Dating and Relationship

Posted by Stephan Brunker on

I got my hands on a GeoWissen special issue on love. On the one hand, there were very interesting topics, such as the need for a fundamental similarity and understanding between the partners for working relationship. On the other hand, I'm probably doing everything wrong on my online profile, because I wrote a lot there and regularly use more than the recommended 250 characters for the primary message. On the other hand I've learned enough in recent years about personalities just to be sick of pretending to be someone else. If only because I'm terrible at it. Yes, I like reading and I am also eloquent. The typical article here has something like 6,000 characters and that's an extent that reads really well. I also read the dossiers in ZEIT and they are many times longer. Not to mention the series Tarrin Kael by Fel - this is a truly epic fantasy story with 3.5 million words. Admittedly I need a few weeks for that, then it's not going to be an afternoon anymore.

I'm still looking for other INTJ or INTP bloggers, but they are very rare and usually not permanently active. And of course I read through almost all of the articles. I can only say that from my side, but I would like it very much if I get the opportunity to get in touch with someone from whom I can tell from a blog that the personality is compatible with mine, has the same mindset. And there are hardly any INTP bloggers, because they are generally too erratic to sustain such a project in the long run. Sorry, but if my way of writing scares off the normal guys, then that's just how it is and it would not work anyway.

Now it is probably still the case that women from a certain age probably look after the men's income and of course I do not write that openly. The best would be "wealthy privateers" with a lot of money and time. This is a double-edged sword, because of course I do not want to be loved for my money. "Self-employed merchant" probably does not sound that promising, otherwise the drop-off rate would not be that high. And if I write here of my 100-hour weeks, then that's probably not so positive, too. You have to know that I do that partly because of the lack of a better opportunity. If I had the opportunity to invest time in a relationship to be rewarded with new perspectives, then I would put the company behind without batting an eye, that would be worth it.

That is my main goal: to find somebody who has a similar, compatible personality (ie INTJ, INTP or INFJ) and who is on par with me in terms of my abilities. I tried lately with a woman who wrote in her profile that her last relationships had called her dominant. No problem there. I think there's an article missing here, but I'm a sigma alpha when it comes to social function. I am a leader, but not in the classical role of the alpha animal who commands his betas around, which in turn compete with each other for the places on the ladder (there are also the omegas which don't care about their social status and happily align themselves below). As a sigma, you're the lone fighter outside the system who cares about keeping the gig running. And if that requires to take command, then you do that - without being dominant. This means that if someone else wants to have the leader job and does it right, then I will gladly let him take the lead.

The crux of the matter is probably just that this requirement (although primarily necessary as seen above) the target audience probably narrows that a lot and I probably have no luck if only because of that. What is the proportion of these three personality types among women? Together maybe three percent. How many of them are intelligent and eloquent enough to cope with such an article (given mostly blank profiles)? And how many have a sense of aesthetics (just look at the photos in the profiles)? If someone writes back on a terribly short message for my standards with one-sentence answers - that can not work out. Fortunately, I'm communicative and I'm interested in the attitudes of other people and I can also communicate information about myself freely. Without this two-way communication, no relationship can work (answer to "I've told you enough, write about yourself": "Hmm"). Am I standing on a high pedestal? I do not think so. In order to live up to this claim you just have to take a decent picture of yourself and write a few thousand characters about yourself. At my age you should have experienced enough to make that an easy task. We're not fourteen year old teenagers anymore.

Against this background all the other criteria that are so important to superficial people withdraw. Hair color? Bust? Size? Absolutely don't matter. Weight and smoking - not quite. Since willpower is one of the criteria and one does not forfeit to an addiction and gets his desired figure with some discipline, that probably plays a role. But not necessarily: Since the most important insight from the personality types is: "you can not have everything", this means conversely that you have a discount of determination to get the spontaneity and ingenuity of an INTP, as well as the emotional ones skills of an INFJ come at the expense of technical understanding. If you generalize that completely.

Meanwhile, I also know that especially IN women need a very long time to build a relationship with another person. I experience much the same and I am therefore happy to invest the necessary time. But that is also based on reciprocity. If you do not slow it down and let others in, it can not get that far. Unfortunately that seems to be a problem for a part of the target group. I'm just thinking of the woman from Stuttgart, who first surprised me with a spontaneous phone call and then bailed before the personal meeting. Or those from Cologne, who quit after the first date. At least I could not form an opinion so quickly.

Do I expect too much? Just to have someone - sorry, but my ability to suffer is not distinct enough. If I wanted to have sex, you can get that now at the highway parking spot. Complementing oneself on equal footing, without being a partner the dominant, opening up new perspectives to each other, mutual understanding are for me the important values ​​within a partnership. Can I find these? Unfortunately, it does not look good, but hope is known to die last ..

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M.W. on:

Hello Stefan,
can only sign your remarks as an INFJ man. With small differences, it's very similar to the INFJ. Have an INTJ woman who I am not happy with. Unfortunately we've been together for a long time and a "back" will be very difficult and painful. I'm not sure if I can break up with her. In my opinion, INFJ and INTJ are only partially compatible for a (romantic) relationship. The middle functions are an insurmountable obstacle. Simply put, you don't really take yourself seriously when it comes to thinking and feeling, which is very frustrating in the long run. The ego function, however, harmonizes perfectly with one another.
I (theoretically) think that the ENFP is the only option for your type. ENTP and INTJ are certainly good to very good partners too. INFP only works very well in a few points and will also fail in the short term. I myself am currently asking myself how to shorten this eternal search for a suitable partner (partner exchanges ?!). It's hard enough to find an intuitive person, because they all seem to be at home ... I don't even want to start talking about them. As a type, I could quickly recognize who is facing me. I think that if the basic structure, i.e. the right type, fits, that's a good foundation. Different upbringing, environmental influences, etc. make it more difficult to come together.
I wish you a lot of fun with the blog and success in finding the right partner

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Christine on:

I love your dialogue ????

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Stephan Brunker on:

Hello M.W.,

thank you very much for the comment! In the meantime I met an INTJ woman over a long weekend in Munich. Many factors play a role, but I think I know by now that an extroverted feeling plays a role for me. Also, I have a problem with extroverts, so by exclusion, only INTP and INFJ are left. My mother is INFP and I can also say: it doesn't work. We can exchange ideas and I can tolerate the chaos, but the completely different way of thinking with a primary introverted feeling is difficult. And with regard to partner exchanges: I specifically choose those who most closely correspond to such a type (you can see a photo within limits) and also write in relation to character types. In my experience, I can always arouse interest at IN..s, they all have the same problem of feeling different from the rest and that gives an interesting explanation. I also came across MBTI through information in a profile, before that I also thought I was not normal ..

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M.W. on:

In principle, my INTJ wife explained your last section in the same way. Also think, once you've "found" yourself, it's easy and you feel at home.
Right, I forgot about INTP. But I see too strong a tendency towards theoretical / technical topics and too little action. As a buddy for philosophizing but very well suited.
Unfortunately, my wife has the illusion that exactly one INFP can give her what she is missing. Your statement and my premonition say something else. I would be very interested in what you mean by the way of thinking of the intr. F?
By the way, sorry that I add my mustard everywhere here. Has built up a lot of knowledge that had to come out ...

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Stephan Brunker on:

I think it's great to meet someone who is interested in these topics and what they say. Also by email (in the imprint). For an INFP, everything happens about emotion and any criticism is always perceived personally, while for an INTJ it is no problem at all to discuss something without taking it personally. On the other hand, I would be too unemotional at least for this INFP (likes ENTPs). But it depends a lot on what you are looking for in the respective partner. There are many possible combinations that can work, but not all will work for everyone. INTJ-INFJ is such a case. I've read reports where it works great, but unfortunately this is not the case with you. Where it works, the INTJ says: "He / she understands my feelings better than I do" and on the other hand, the INTJ has to take into account the feelings and principles of the INFJ.

What also plays a role: common interests. For me with a strong technical / theoretical interest, INTP would therefore be an option. Funnily enough, the INTJ woman I met had absolutely no clue about it.

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Hannah r. on:

Hello,
I am a psychology student and have been interested in the 16 personalities for a long time, especially the compatibility among the individual types, but I would like to say that it is very difficult to reduce dating to personality types, especially since there are still certain spectra with personality types and they are sometimes more pronounced in certain points and a little less in others, that makes it difficult to generalize something like that.
Especially when we go in the direction of intelligence, something like this often has very little to do with the actual personality type, and intelligent people tend to have more interests and passions for science or other theoretical areas, such people as a classic INTJ you probably value very much , but you can find them among many personality types.
I also find it difficult to say that you are explicitly looking for the introverted personality types, because as an INTJ you are also often balanced by extro personalities, you have to differentiate whether this works together or not, but if it is an extro personality with a lot of empathy then it probably works anyway.
Personally, I am an ENFJ or a protagonist, among other things extremely scientifically curious, temperamental, sometimes dominant and expect a lot from interpersonal relationships because I am highly idealistic and also like to indulge in other people.
I wouldn't describe myself as extremely extro, but I'm a very present person who is actually always noticed, protagonists are actually also known for their charisma, being fascinating and inspiring to others (but this should not be generalized in any case).
Despite some contradictions, I've been very happy in a relationship with an INTJ for a long time, and of course there are always conflicts, but the relationship is very good, especially when it comes to talking about exciting scientific topics or balancing each other and to learn from each other.
In my opinion, certain differences in personality in relationships are often good too, ensure that you can develop yourself further together and that the other sometimes shows you your deficits, and presumably such relationships are often more intense because you grow together more over time.
In conclusion, I just want to advise you not to look at dating too scientifically
Above all, don't focus on certain personality types

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