What do you do against a breakup
What can be done against lovesickness? 13 tips on how to get over your ex
No matter how bad a relationship goes, the moment your boyfriend draws the line, a world collapses. It hurts to be abandoned. At first you feel like you are in a bad dream. You can't believe that it's really all supposed to be over. At the moment you hardly know how to get through the next day without him. If you ask yourself: "What to do about lovesickness, I can't anymore“You are right here.
Together we look at the emotional chaos that is raging inside you. We can save you from a few mistakes. And we give you 13 helpful tips against lovesickness.
Lovesickness and the pain of separation hurt terribly. It takes time before you can accept the loss and leave it behind. This is especially true if he has broken up with you and you still have feelings for him.
Maybe you are right now in this situation:
- In your mind, you are constantly with your ex and cannot concentrate on anything else.
- You are desperate, angry, helpless and deadly sad.
- Everything reminds you of him and your time together.
- The pain is almost physically felt. It tears your heart apart.
- You cannot imagine that you will ever be happy again.
Then you are currently in phase 3.
You probably broke up recently. Sometimes you go through seven different phases in a breakup. How quickly you get from one to the next is very different. Some people spend Weeks, months, or even years in one phase.
We want to help you go through this process faster and get out of the state of unrequited love.
Don't get us wrong: it is perfectly okay to be sad and to regret the loss of a loved one. But there is no point in tormenting yourself unnecessarily.
What you should definitely not do if you are lovesick
Don't worry: you will survive this difficult time. There are a few mistakes that you should absolutely avoid. We come to that now.
The important thing is that you let go of him and not try to keep in touch with him. It's not good for you to have it in front of your eyes or in your mind all the time.
Three things to avoid:
- Don't spy on your ex.
- Don't get in touch with your ex.
- Don't keep in touch with him on social media. It is better if you block him there and his phone number as well.
What helps with lovesickness?
13 expert tips from our lovesick practice
You might want your ex back right now. Letting him go hurts. After all, he was an important or even the most important person in your life for a while. We have stood by many lovesick people. These tips have proven their worth.
1. Allow yourself to be sad and cry
Don't try to suppress your feelings. Allow your sadness and your tears. Maybe it will help you to hear melancholy love songs or just hide away for a while. That's perfectly fine!
2. Speak up
Maybe right now you have the inner urge to tell those around you how bad you are. Colleagues, acquaintances, friends. While this is understandable, it can lead to them talking about you. You definitely don't want to become a topic of gossip.
That is why you should only share your feelings with people who you trust can keep quiet. When you feel the need to speak out, talk to your best friend about yours Lovesickness.
If you don't want to stress them excessively, a journal can be an alternative. Write everything off your soul - and then close the book and put it away.
At some point it will be time to look ahead again. After all, you don't want to be permanently unhappy.
Now, let's get to how you can do this.
3. Interrupt your thought carousel
Probably certain situations are constantly replaying in your head. That can have been a particularly intense argument. Or the situation that triggered the breakup with your ex-boyfriend. You may be wondering what you did wrong. Or you play different reactions continuously in your head. And you are already stuck in a seemingly never-ending cycle of feelings of guilt, "if only I had ..." and "What would have been if…" firmly.
It is good and right that you wonder if you made mistakes. It is also good to consider what alternatives there would have been. But if you're trapped in a carousel of thoughts, it won't help you any further.
You can't change the past. There's no point in tormenting yourself inside.
Accept that you made certain mistakes. Make a resolution to do these things differently in your next relationship - and let go.
Try to look ahead. Maybe help you this tip:
When your mind starts to circle, imagine a stop sign. Say loudly and clearly: "No!“And push the thoughts away.
4. Don't let yourself go
When you leave for work, you probably pay attention to how you look. When you are not working, you run the risk of spending the day in pajamas or jogging clothes. Maybe you drink too much, stop exercising, and comfort yourself with ice cream. All of these may feel good and right when you are seriously heartbroken.
Later, you may regret letting go now.
Better try another way: Get up in the morning as usual. Take good care of your body. Put on your make-up, if that's what you usually do. Put on clothes that make you look attractive and comfortable.
Your appearance affects you inside. It makes a difference whether you go outside the door unwashed in a baggy look or whether you are gorgeous dressed and styled. The feedback from the outside world is different. And what is even more important: You yourself feel different. Better. Safer.
5. Style yourself
A type change can be good for you and help you cope with your lovesickness. You are no longer the person you were in the relationship with your partner. You went through hell and will make itto get through this painful time!
Maybe a type change will help you:
- Do you wear your hair long How about a fashionable short hairstyle? If you have short hair, experiment with hair extensions or curls.
- You can also do a lot with a different hair color or highlight.
- Experiment with different styles of clothing.
- If you wear glasses, now may be a good time for contact lenses. Or the other way around: Give your face a completely new look with suitable glasses.
- Do sports. This changes your body. You will become stronger, more confident and regain your self-confidence.
6. Recall the negative moments in your relationship
Think of everything that was bad. Write it down so you can read it! Your friend was probably a lovely, very special man.
But there is a reason that you are no longer with him. Something was wrong between you.
You will probably fall for the first time after the separation especially the beautiful situations in your togetherness.
But there were certainly moments when you were unhappy with him:
- Think back to everything that made you white-hot about him.
- What did you regularly argue about?
- What qualities do you dislike in him at all?
- What particularly annoyed you about him?
- What did he deeply hurt you by?
When you have these points in front of you in black and white, you may feel angry and angry. These are feelings that can give you a lot of energy!
7. Remove memories from your home
Use this energy boost to muck out! Reclaim your four walls.
There are probably countless things in your home that are related to your ex. These can be gifts, love letters, but also things that you have chosen together. Gather everything together and put these memorabilia in a box in the basement or in the attic.
It is important that you remove the objects from your field of vision for the time being. You can decide later what you want to do with it.
If you find items that belong to him - razor, clothes, cell phone cable - send them to him in the mail.
8. Redesign your apartment
Maybe you shared an apartment that he moved out of. But even if you haven't lived together, you have probably been in the apartment together a lot. Then you can see your ex sitting at the breakfast table, lying in bed or relaxing on the sofa in your mind's eye.
It helps the living environment too change:
- Move your furniture.
- Redecorate your room.
- If renovation is an option for you: Bring fresh paint or new wallpaper on the walls.
- Change the bed, or at least the duvet covers.
- Write motivating, inspiring and positive (!) Quotes and sayings on pieces of paper. Stick them on the bathroom door or on the fridge with magnets.
9. Deliberately distract yourself from your lovesickness
Distraction also breaks through circling thoughts.
Consciously fill your free time with activities. Make sure that you get around people as much as possible.
There are several advantages to being around others: You are forced to dress and style yourself well. Other people engage you in conversations. They make you laugh. And they let you participate in their life, their worries and needs. You may do something together, move around the houses, go dancing, or go to the movies.
New experiences create new memories. That gives you strength and shows you that you are loved and valued by your friends.
Even at home there is a lot that distracts you from your lovesickness and brings you to other thoughts. Do sad thoughts and memories arise? Suddenly you have a lump in your throat again. Tears well up in your eyes and you are about to lose your composure?
Imagine the stop sign again.
Push the thoughts to your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband deliberately aside.
- Read an inspiring book. The biographies of successful people are well suited.
- Watch funny, exciting or action-packed films in which no Love relationship is in focus.
- Clean up your apartment. It's best to play fast, driving music.
- Do sports. If you don't want to hit the gym, get an exercise bike to work out.
- Call someone in your family. Avoid talking about yourself and your lovesickness, just listen.
10. Fulfill a challenging wish
When lovesickness is at its worst, nothing else seems to matter. Maybe you think: "What else is going to happen now? The worst has already happened.“It makes other things appear to you less risky.
Maybe there is something that you have wanted to do for a long time, but didn't dare:
- Travel abroad alone
- A bungee jump
- Learn a new language
- To give a lecture in public
- Talk to your boss about a salary adjustment
- Finally get the tattoo or piercing you've been wanting for ages
Now is a good time to do that! You dare to do more.
11. Find a new pastime
In relationships, many people neglect their hobbies and interests. Do you feel the same? What do you like to do? What would you like to try out?
One advantage of being single again: You finally have time for yourself again!
You don't need to consult with anyone, look for compromise solutions or explain anything: It is your life and your time!
If you can't think of anything spontaneously, take a look at the adult education center catalog. The range of offers is huge. Another advantage: you get to meet people! It doesn't matter whether you're taking a Thai cooking class, learning Spanish, trying belly dancing or immersing yourself in the art of bookbinding: the main thing is that you experience yourself as active and don't think about your lovesickness.
12. Get involved
Maybe your relationship with your ex gave your life meaning. You are not alone in this. For many women, love is the center of their lives. To give your life a new direction, you could volunteer. There are many ways to use your skills and talents for the benefit of other people.
The helps against loneliness and gives you an opportunity to do something for the general public.
- Are you patient with children Then you could tutor migrant children in German.
- If you are fond of animals, your support at the animal welfare association is certainly welcome.
- Perhaps you'd rather do something for the elderly: In retirement homes, people are regularly wanted to read aloud, play cards or take walks.
- Are you worried about climate change? Maybe there is an environmental organization in your city that you can join.
Possible contacts for you are the Red Cross and the local animal shelter. There are many ways to get involved.
By doing voluntary work, you strengthen your self-confidence. Your lovesickness fades into the background. It is good to help other people or animals. The gratitude you get back strengthens and inspires you. At the same time you grow with your new tasks. Another plus point: Your circle of acquaintances is expanding.
13. Look ahead
At some point you will notice that the pain subsides. It may still hurt a little to think about your ex. But you don't burst into tears right away anymore. The worst heartache is over.
Perhaps you think back to good and bad times more calmly. The feelings are still there, but quieter. If you the you are in the Phase of acceptance arrived: You know emotionally and rationally that it is over, and you have come to terms with it.
It's not far from there. Soon you will actually be able to leave your lovesickness and your relationship behind and close with it.
Go consciously among people. If you like someone, there's nothing wrong with going on a date. You shouldn't rush into the next relationship if you're not ready for something new. But it's good to have fun, flirt, and get positive feedback with a nice man. Maybe even friendship plus is temporarily right for you.
Do what is good for you and what feels right for you. Your life. Your pace.
If you ask yourself desperately again: "What to do if you are lovesick?“Check out our list. Our tips will help. Guaranteed.
Nevertheless, everything takes time.
Do not give up! You will manage to leave your ex behind. At some point you will fall in love again. We keep our fingers crossed that it will then be the perfect relationship with your Mr. Right.
About the author
Simone Sauter - lovesick coach
Simone is a lovesickness & self-love coach, Amazon bestselling author and writes the largest German-language lovesickness blog From Pain To Power with over 85,000 monthly readers. She specializes in helping women to transform the pain of their lovesickness into powerful energy and thus to let go of their ex-partner, to learn to love themselves and to find the perfect partner on this basis. Her calling arose from her personal story. Before working as a lovesick & self-love coach, she worked for several years as a PR & social media manager for the world's largest online dating site and was already intensively involved with the topic of partnership during this time.
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